Let’s talk about the g-word: gifted. It’s an uncomfortable word, is it not? The word gift implies that the child has been given something extra, that they have a leg up over other children. It leaves out the concept of giftedness as asynchrony, which I believe is the key to changing the public’s understanding of this population. In my humble opinion, gifted is not the best descriptor for this population. But, like it or not, gifted is the label that we have. It is what it is, folks.
For the longest time, we didn’t use the g-word for the reasons I just mentioned. It’s uncomfortable. You worry that you are going to make others feel badly. You worry that folks will think you hothouse. You feel like you can’t complain about it- ever. I mean, really, who complains about a gift? So, for too long, Schizz and I would talk about the g-word in the safety of our home. We’d whisper, “Could he be? Is it possible? What does it mean?” and we’d read and read and read, trying to understand.
But here’s the thing: if we all sit around not talking about it, we are doing a huge disservice to these gifted children. Sure, it might be uncomfortable at first, but the more you talk about giftedness the easier it will be for you, and the better it will be for them. Talking about giftedness increases the general public’s understanding and understanding leads to change. We need to talk about gifted and twice-exceptional children, folks.
We’ve come a long way since those early days. I can’t believe all that has happened around here in the space of a year. Schizz and I talk about giftedness now. We talk about it with family, friends, and members of our community. And, do you know what? When we started talking about it, those who had met Leo were not surprised. They already knew. And, when I talk about it online, other parents are relieved. They see themselves in our story. I’ve met so many parents, educators, and advocates in the online gifted community, and they are talking about it, too.
Our son is profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional, and I’m talking about it. I’m talking about it a lot, both in real life and here at My Little Poppies.
I’m talking about how challenging it can be to parent a profoundly gifted child, and how sometimes you experience profoundly gifted guilt.
I’m talking about why we decided to test Leo for giftedness, and how this decision impacted our journey.
I’m talking about giftedness in terms of asynchronous development, and how our son is out-of-sync because he is many ages at once.
I’m talking about how my son is exceptionally sensitive. I’m talking about this a lot, because this is an important characteristic of giftedness.
I’m talking about all the resources and communities that have helped our family on this journey, so that they may help others.
I’m talking about Leo’s perfectionism and fear of failure, both of which are common among this population.
I’m talking about hothousing and how I’m not doing it. I’m not the one doing the pushing in this relationship, folks.
I’m talking about what it is like to raise a twice-exceptional child.
I’m talking about some of our PG, 2E and full of OE moments, because parenting Leo is one of the great challenges of my life. I’ll probably share a lot of these moments. I’m keeping it real.
I’m talking about how he was born this way.
I’m talking about how my son’s brain is overflowing with so many ideas and projects upon projects.
I’m talking about my son’s creativity. And he’s talking about it, too. And I’ll talk about why creativity is important for this population of kids.
I’m talking about my son’s love of books. I’m going to talk about how important our library card has been on this journey. I’m not bragging when I talk about this, these books are our ticket to survival.
I’m talking about how our experience homeschooling is different from our experience in the public school.
I’m talking about how homeschooling this child is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it can be downright ugly. That said, it’s so much better than having him in a school that did not understand him.
As a school psychologist and mom to three little poppies, I’m talking about it. I want to increase the public’s understanding of these kids in the hope that this understanding will lead to change. Tell me, do you talk about it? How do you say “gifted”? Let’s talk about it! Join the conversation- I love hearing from you all.
This post was part of the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum February 2015 Blog Hop, How do YOU say, “Gifted”? Please click the image below to keep on hoppin’!
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Communication leads to community, that is,
to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.
~ Rollo May
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I particularly love the acceptance involved in this statement: “It is what it is, folks.”
Bob Yamtich recently posted…Advanced Social Skills Training (a.k.a. Adapting to an Arbitrary World)
Thank you, Bob!
In daily dealings, I just use “gifted” when I need it. In other situations… with coaches, people who might someday be friends, people who I need to get along with? That’s so much harder. In those cases I tend to use the backup coded words that aren’t gifted. He’s intense. He’s very bright. He’s highly imaginative. He’s out-of-sync. This week, we go to see about having a third exceptionality diagnosed (we’ve already got GT and SPD), and I have to have the conversation with his doctor.
I’m particularly leery right now, as I’m sitting in the middle of a dilemma. I have a very large suspicion that Mad Natter might just be profoundly gifted. He fits all the descriptions, even with his 2E things in play. But, without testing, I lack the ability to accurately describe just how gifted this child may be. And without the formal label, it does read much like bragging, so I avoid it. But, how do you talk to other people about your fears that your child may be farther from average than you thought - without being sure, without the goofy test, without using the phrase “profoundly gifted” when that’s exactly what you mean, but feel like you can’t say? I think I feel a new post coming on.
Care recently posted…How do YOU say “Gifted”?
I’m so happy for recent happenings in your life, Care. Can’t wait to hear more of what you find out. These kids are such puzzles! I love that you feel a post coming on - can’t wait to read it!
Karen Morrison says
I once had a parent tell me that she had wanted to join my parent support group for over a year, but didn’t because she was uncomfortable with the word gifted and didn’t want any of her friend to know her kid was gifted. It has been another year past now, and she still has not joined. It is so important that we as advocates keep on talking about it, openly …so that others may also have the strength to do so. My hope is that one day being gifted will be understood and accepted no differently than any other “special needs” population. Thank you for this post!
Oh, Karen, that’s so sad. I hope she finds her people and doesn’t keep hiding. That’s not healthy for anyone!
Maggie says
It is what it is - exactly! In our family, we try to get past the emotions that come with the word gifted and instead focus on the needs and behaviors that derive from being gifted.
Maggie recently posted…Gifted. Do you watch what you say?
Exactly! It is what it is and we need to get over the emotional stuff associated with it. Thanks, Maggie!
“But here’s the thing: if we all sit around not talking about it, we are doing a huge disservice to these gifted children.” <—Yes! Absolutely! Because it is not about our discomfort, but about the disservice to our gifted children. They are children and they depend on adults for support and nurturing.
Thanks for a great shot in the arm, Caitie. And I mean that in a good way
Celi Trépanier recently posted…Three Ways to Say Gifted
It feels good to talk about gifted, profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional without fear of backlash. Gifted children and families need advocacy and discussing what gifted actually is creates awareness. We are parenting the children we have with all their quirks, overexcitabilities and asynchrony and it helps to discuss all that it encompasses.
Amy Harrington recently posted…OH No! Not the G Word
I agree, Amy. Talking about it creates awareness. Thanks for reading!
Yes. It is what it is, no better or no worse. Just different. And maybe if we all talk about it in relatable ways-like through this hop-some of the discomfort will go away.
Pamela @RedWhiteandGrew recently posted…Why We Need to Be More Mindful of How We Say “Gifted” {GHF Blog Hop}
Just different. So, so true. Thanks, Pamela.
Great post about the need to really talk about it - openly. The more we speak openly and honestly about giftedness, the more we can educate others. Thanks.
Gail Post, Ph.D. recently posted…How to explain IQ testing to your gifted child
Thank you, Gail!
I love the way you outline so many of the specific issues that parents of these kids deal with. This post is an easy way for parents and others to learn more. Thanks, Caitie.
Paula Prober recently posted…It’s A Jungle In There — Explaining Giftedness
Thank YOU, Paula
Wenda says
I am SO HAPPY you’re talking and writing!
In an ideal world, we would need no labels, but because our world is far from ideal, we need dedicated and articulate advocates like you to educate others about the needs of children whose educational settings are insufficient to meet their needs. Thank you!
I agree completely. Labels are a necessary evil in the world we live in. Thanks, Wenda!
I love how passionate you are about advocacy and talking about it, Caitie! You are inspiring, and I admire your energy.
It’s me scrambling to keep up with these little people
I know you get it!