Tomorrow I will register my sweet T for kindergarten. I cannot believe she is even old enough for kindergarten. Where is the pause button?
Kindergarten registration is always bittersweet, isn’t it? I remember feeling a mixture of pride and loss just two short years ago, as I waited in line to register Leo. I stood there, fighting back tears, and I wondered how my baby could possibly be ready for the big yellow bus.
Tomorrow, I will experience kindergarten registration for the second time. I’m sure I will feel the same mix of bewilderment, pride, and loss, but I’m feeling something else too: reservation. I am experiencing reservations about kindergarten registration, folks.
I never imagined myself homeschooling. It simply wasn’t ever on my radar. Schizz and I are both products of public education, I worked in public schools, and I am a public school advocate.
Lately, I’ve been grappling with that last part. Typing the words felt disingenuous to me just now. Am I still a public school advocate? I’d like to believe that I am. I’d like to believe that public school works, that every student receives an appropriate education. I’d like to believe that the unique needs of every single student are met. Of course, I know this doesn’t happen. I know this because I’ve worked in the public schools. I’ve always been aware of the disparities in public education and that is why I chose to work in special education in urban settings. I’ve talked about this before, and I could go on and on and on about how unfair it is that a city kid receives an entirely different education than a suburban kid. It’s not fair. In fact, it is utterly deplorable. The inequity used to motivate me, it used to make me want to fight, to work for change. Lately it just depresses me. It seems that we spend more money on public education every year and yet the same issues remain. We are spending more and testing more and yet, when you look at student performance across the globe, our nation’s performance is… mediocre.
I have been involved in public education in some capacity- either as a student, a volunteer, an intern, or an employee- since I was five years old. This is the first school year- since I was five years old- that I have not set foot in a public school. I’ll walk into one tomorrow, but do I want to?
I started homeschooling because the public education system failed my child. A highly rated school system failed my child. We embarked on this path because we felt we had no other option to meet the unique needs of our son.
And, do you want to know what? Removing the public school system this year felt good, refreshing even. I thought I would miss it. I haven’t missed it for a minute, folks. In fact, I’ve come to realize that learning and school are two separate entities, and you can have one without the other. Last year, Leo experienced a lot of school without much learning, and this year-thankfully- we have the opposite. Our world feels better, and lighter, without public school.
More than ever before, the public education system feels broken to me. I’m thankful that we opted out. We started homeschooling on a whim and it has changed our world, it has been a true blessing in disguise. I am only in our first year but already I see so many benefits over a public education. To me, it now feels unfair to send one child to public school while another is homeschooled.
“Are you going to register T for kindergarten?”
I have been asked this question innumerable times over the past six weeks. Yes, I am going to sign her up for kindergarten because it is what she wants. T is excited about kindergarten. For T, school is an entirely social experience. She adores her girlfriends and, in her mind, school equals play. When you are five, school should equal play. Sadly, nowadays there is little room for play in kindergarten. Will T love kindergarten, as I did when I was little? Will her teacher understand her? Will she feel valued and understood? Will she learn? Will she be happy?
T and Leo are not the same child and I’m certain T’s kindergarten experience will be quite different than that of her brother. Perhaps her kindergarten experience will be absolutely amazing. But, here’s the thing, and here’s why I worry: Leo is my squeaky wheel- you can’t not notice him, and T is the opposite. She would rather observe than be observed and she shrinks from attention. The school failed my squeaky wheel. Public school failed the kid who entered kindergarten on day one with several chapter books in his backpack. Public school failed the kid who couldn’t stop reading. Is it wrong for me to think that public education might also fail the child who would prefer to not be noticed? T learned to read over the summer but she is a humble reader. She will sometimes pretend that she cannot read in order to make Seuss feel better, because he can’t read yet. How will that play out in a classroom, folks? If the school failed to serve my squeaky wheel, is it wrong for me to wonder what will happen to the child who would prefer not to be noticed?
Our wounds are still healing over here. I remember that misunderstood and downtrodden little kindergartener who would climb in my car every afternoon last year. And I feel guilty that we didn’t pull him from that situation earlier. I keep telling myself that this time we know better. We can always leave. We can always opt out. The minute she doesn’t enjoy it, the second she is not understood or valued, we can pull her and do it better. But that part of me, the part of me who remembers last year so vividly, wishes we could opt out from the start.
Every child is different and I believe it is important to follow each individual child’s lead. Public school may turn out to be the best option for T, and we won’t know until we try.
Tomorrow I will enter the public school for the first time since June. I will sign my girl up for kindergarten because this is what she wants. I do this despite the deep sense of foreboding. The real question is: will we stay?
Tell me folks… have you ever homeschooled one and not the other? Have you grappled with the choice? Do you think it is fair? Have you felt they way I do? Please share your thoughts and experiences here!
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We destroy the disinterested (I do not mean uninterested) love of learning in children, which is so strong when they are small, by encouraging and compelling them to work for petty and contemptible rewards- gold stars, or papers marked 100 and tacked to the wall, or A’s on report cards…in short, for the ignoble satisfaction of feeling that they are better than someone else… We kill, not only their curiosity, but their feeling that it is a good and admirable thing to be curious, so that by the age of ten most of them will not ask questions, and will show a good deal of scorn for the few who do.
~John Holt, How Children Fail
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I’m homeschooling one and throwing one at the bus every morning. That’s been the routine for three solid years now. And for the most part it has worked. BUT. I have the exact reservations you mention. My squeaky wheel was failed, and his younger brother is more reserved. Younger brother is now pushing to be homeschooled, but with a house move imminent we’re not making any decisions until summer. Maybe then he’ll want to stay in school, but it’s more than likely we’ll two home in the fall. I’m not ready for that, but I wasn’t ready for homeschooling three years ago either. It’ll be easier in some ways and incredibly difficult in others. Homeschooling a high schooler and a middle schooler at the same time? Oy. Not sure I’m ready for that. But I know I won’t regret it once we’re in the thick of it.
Throwing one at the bus!! 🙂 I love it. I think it would be challenging to homeschool more than one, because it’s challenging to homeschool ONE. That said, it’s the 1:1 learning thing that I’m bothered by. She won’t get that next year. Not only that, but she’s the more reserved one and won’t make a fuss. And there’s something to be said for making a fuss when your needs aren’t being met (even though that fuss caused me major stress last year!). Good luck with whatever path you choose!
Great post! I’m in the same boat. It’s time to register my youngest for K. Thinking of putting him in a Waldorf (public) school. My middle one is homeschooled after a miserable time in K and 1st grade. My 6th grader is in a (public) Gifted Magnet school that has been a great fit for her. The key is finding the right situation for each child. School (even homeschool) isn’t one size fits all.
Wow, Jenny! You have a little bit of everything going on over there- great job finding the best matches for your kiddos! I’m hoping to do the same 🙂 It’s good to remember it’s not one size fits all. So true! Thank you for reading and sharing your story!
Here’s hoping for the best. My introverted (although you’d never know it in a small group) kiddo was miserable in a Waldorf kindergarten, which surprised the heck out of me. (I texted a speech path friend and asked, “Is it supposed to feel like someone is ripping your guts out when you drop your kid off at kinder?”) But kids are different–and hopefully there’s a lot of play in T’s kindergarten!
qH…that’s EXACTLY what it felt like last year: having someone rip my guts out. It was miserable.
By the end of preschool I was convinced that the school system was not right for my quiet under the radar child. By the end of preschool (I had been homeschooling kindergarten and used preschool as a social opportunity) my daughter was reading the Little House on the Prairie books just for fun, and the preschool teacher was not sure she could really read. It astounded me that someone could have so little clue about where my daughter was academically when that is the whole point of school.
Tiffany- your daughter sounds like Leo. He was reading Magic Treehouse when he was four. Thankfully, his preschool teacher understood that. It was the public school we had trouble with. Miss T is reading but not at that level yet. Still, she’s reading books by herself. Thing is, she doesn’t want to make others feel badly about it and sometimes will pretend she can’t. Already. Sigh. Thank you for reading! I’m glad you found a good match for your daughter.
Oh boy. I so relate to every part of this. The only difference is that we chose to go right to homeschooling for Kindergarten for both of them. (With C, we’ll have to see where we’re living and what our options are.) I completely understand your concerns about T fading into the background. My middle son was (is?) the same way. He has become much more confident this year, and I don’t know if it’s the homeschooling, or something that would have happened anyway. I agree with Jenny – it’s about finding the right fit for each individual child – wherever that is! I’ll be thinking about you!
Thank you, Stacey! It’s helpful hearing others’ experiences. I’m going to use this year as a trial. It’s only half day. She’ll actually have a shorter day than she does currently in preschool. If it doesn’t work, she’s out. And I’m leaning more toward homeschool for first grade when it’s full day anyway. You just can’t beat the 1:1 once you start doing it. The learning is so much better and is individualized perfectly.
It will be interesting to see if you daughter likes it once she’s in the midst of it for a few days/weeks/months or if she will think of you all at home and realize she’s much rather be there.
Choices can be so hard!
Choices are hard! If I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s to try not to worry about these things. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Sallie!
I’m curious to see how this works out for you. At this point we’re planning on homeschooling both, but my daughter is so very social I’m wondering if she might ask to go to school. Because I’m guessing she’ll see it as one big social event. 🙂
Right now I’m kind of homeschooling two (son is five in kindergarten and daughter is two) because she wants to do everything her big brother does so while he’s doing his spelling (using letter tiles) on one white board, she’s matching magnetic letters on the other. When he does math, she insists it’s her turn to do math too. She’ll wander off if she gets bored but often listens to our geography discussions and participates when we use math manipulatives or do science experiments. I think it will be fun schooling both together and add to the educational value for both. There are so many things that can be done as a family and then understood at different levels for different people.
Robin, thank you so much for reading and for your thoughts. One of the most surprising things about homeschooling for me has been how much it benefits the other two kids. When I entered into this, I thought they wouldn’t get as much attention because I’d be so focused on doing this new thing (homeschooling) well. I couldn’t have been more wrong! My youngest two have learned so much. We are all learning alongside each other. Yes, when attention dwindles, they wander off to play, but they are present for much of it. We do a lot of text read alouds and my youngest two LOVE when I read from the science and history texts. And they love the science experiments. I’ll be interested to see what you guys end up doing!
Trust yourself. All you can do is trust that you are making the best decision you can in this moment, a decision based on the knowledge and experience you have now. You may gain knowledge and experience later that, if you had it now, would change your decision now. But you don’t have it yet and you can’t see around the corner.
Don’t be afraid to override your child’s wishes. You say that T thinks school equals social time but you know that isn’t so. *You know that isn’t so.* The lesson I learned was that respecting my child’s wishes could only go so far stacked up against my adult perspective. It could have gone the other way, but the one time I went with her wishes against my own judgment was a big, costly mistake.
My daughter went to a church preschool for three years. I had always been interested in homeschooling and when we visited our neighborhood elementary school, I knew she would be eaten up alive there. We decided to homeschool and I got some very negative feedback from friends but we pushed forward and I am so glad we did. We homeschooled for pre-K, K, 1st, and 2nd grades., The next year, she spent a couple of months in a Christian school (the big mistake I mentioned) and then she went to a Montessori school where she stayed through 9th grade. During that 3rd grade year, we discovered she has severe auditory processing disorder and sensory integration dysfunction. Addressing her needs was so much easier in the Montessori setting.
We would have liked to continue in a similar setting, but a move and a lack of good options in our new location precluded that, so we enrolled her in an online high school. She took about three and a half years to do a self-paced program and was dual-enrolled in a local community college the last year. (She could have started that in 10th grade, if only we’d known). Another move, another community college. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA and is now a junior at a major university, still carrying a 4.0 and making the Dean’s List every semester.
I share all this just to say that I didn’t make the right decisions each and every time. The early years of homeschooling were challenging, largely due to her undiagnosed problems. I would have loved for her to have more social opportunities in high school. But in the end, the sum total has been overwhelmingly positive and right and deeply satisfying. So I say again, Trust Yourself.
Marta, your response has touched my heart. What a thoughtful and helpful commentary! You’re right: I do need to trust myself. I have a huge hunch that she will do find in K (because she does fine anywhere!), but my gut is telling me to homeschool for full day (first grade). Things may change, but this is how I think it will play out. I am happy to override her if need be, as parents do what is best for their children with the information they have in that moment.
You’re spot on when you say that you don’t make the right choices every time. If I had it to do over, I would have pulled Leo from Kindergarten mid-year. At the time, that felt wrong. It has all worked out well now but I would have done that differently.
I am so glad your daughter is thriving and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts here. Thank you for reading and sharing your story!!
I think your mother’s intuition is screaming at you right now to reconsider. T is 5, right? Personally, I believe kids that young need our guidance. YOU know what the kindergarten setting is like, where she doesn’t. She’s not making an educated decision when she says she wants to go to public school. She doesn’t really know what it’s like.
They DO need guidance. I’m on the fence about next year. It’s only two hours. She’ll be in school LESS than she is this year. My youngest is in preschool anyway so it might just be our final year of any sort of schooling, to be honest.
Listen to your intuition. When we went for a preschool tour my son asked why their alphabet only went up to m. He was reading Magic Tree House books at the time. That night I decided to let him in on my secret that he could read but that other kids his age couldn’t but this didn’t seem to satisfy him. Later I figured out that he didn’t understand the strategy of learning the alphabet one letter at a time. Much later I read your blog and realized my son is a 0 to 60 learner (I used to say that he didn’t do anything until he could do it all the way). I ignored my intuition and went on more tours to finally figure out that standard school doesn’t fit my son. My two turn 2 and 5 in a month so I’m curious to follow how your daughter does. I do not know what I will do with my youngest.
I’m so glad you posted this again. My son is registered to start kindergarten this year and I feel like I’m the only one with reservations. Everyone else is either fully on board with school or homeschooling. It’s really hard to feel stuck in the middle, not fully sure yet of either direction.
It’s an awful feeling. I hope that the year goes better than you ever expected it to! <3