When people find out I am homeschooling my children, they say certain things. Well-intentioned comments like:
Wow, I could never do that!
What do you do all day?
I’m not sure I could spend that much time with my kids.
You must have so much patience.
I get these comments from everyone, from my close friends to the old fellow at the farm stand who inquires, puzzled, “No school today?”
And the truth is, while I don’t mind the comments, I never really know what to say.
And I find that I’m not always honest. I shrug my shoulders and make a joke, or laugh, anything to change the conversation.
I’m rarely honest about homeschooling to the non-homeschoolers.
5 Wonderful Homeschool Secrets No One Will Tell You
Today, I’m coming clean. I’m sharing 5 wonderful homeschool secrets that no one shares.
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1. I love homeschooling.
I love homeschooling. I truly do. And that’s not to say that it’s easy, or that it’s fun all the time, or that I don’t worry, or that I feel 100% confident 24/7, but I love homeschooling. When we stumbled into homeschooling, I wondered if I would like it. I feared that one or both of us would hate it. I never considered that I might completely fall in love.
When folks ask me about homeschooling, I don’t usually admit that I love it and I believe this is because no one expects that you could. They see it as a lot of time, work, and energy. And, on the one hand, they are correct. But on the other hand, there is the fact that even our worst days are worlds better than our best days in public school.
Because here’s the thing: While not for everyone, homeschooling is a wonderful option for children who do not fit in that proverbial box. As a school psychologist, I witnessed innumerable children who were not reached by our public education system: children who fell through the cracks, children who were misunderstood, children who were sad, children who lost their love of learning, children who dropped out entirely. The fact of the matter is, public education does not work for all and it certainly doesn’t work for our family right now. I’m so thankful that my children are able to retain their love of learning while having their unique needs met.
2. Homeschooling is fun.
No, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine over here. We have hard days, crabby days, and sick days. I’m not pretending that those don’t exist. They do.
But we have heaps of fun, too. And I feel guilty admitting that to non-homeschoolers because I feel that I’m bragging, or that others will think we are slacking. The truth of the matter is that a lot of time is wasted in public schools. When you are shuffling twenty-plus children from place to place, it’s impossible to be super-efficient. And while we aren’t super-efficient most days, I have the luxury of working with only three children. This gives us so much freedom! Most days, our academic must-dos are done by lunch. That leaves our afternoons free for projects, field trips, play, time with friends, extra-curricular activities, or nothing at all!
In this age of teaching to the test, I’m glad that we have the freedom to explore all of the subjects and not just what will be on the test. Yes, my children cover all those core subjects, but they also spend their days immersed in art and music and nature.
3. I love the quality time I now have with my children…
There is this special thing that happens when you homeschool. It doesn’t happen the first year because you are too busy freaking out and getting in your own way, but it happens once you settle in and get comfortable. I call it homeschool mindfulness and I need to write a post on it but, basically, everything becomes educational in a way that it wasn’t before.
When my kids were in school, I spent so much of our day rushing to:
- Get up and get dressed
- Eat breakfast
- Brush teeth
- Pack snacks and lunches
- Catch bus
- Get in the car for school drop-off
- Hurry for school pick-ups
- Shuttle to after-school activities
- Get home
- Eat dinner
- Get to bed on time
I’m always thankful for the things I don’t have to do anymore, including:
- Hurrying my children
- Pick-up lines
- Packing lunches and snacks
- Rushed meals
- HOMEWORK
Now that we are homeschooling, our days have far more space. Even the most mundane of household tasks, like laundry, take on an educational twist when you are homeschooling. We do all of these tasks together, as a team. We make breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. Our meals are not rushed, but rather an opportunity for leisurely conversation and learning. Because homeschooling takes less time than public school, my children have adequate time to play and to spend time in nature. In addition, because we aren’t overscheduled and frazzled, we actually have more time for extracurriculars. I know my children. My oldest especially would be too wiped out from a full day at school to tack on fun activities like art, nature, and piano lessons and classes.
4. … and I cherish the quality time that they have with each other.
People have always ask me, “Do your children always get along so well?” and I always laugh and say, “Yes, until they don’t!” My children fight with each other, just as all siblings do. Squabbling siblings, while annoying, are normal.
Still, my children are close. They spend hours playing together, creating together, learning together, and- best of all- snuggled up reading together. They would not have this much time with each other if they were in public school.
Fred always makes the kids giggle. Are you a Life of Fred family?
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5. I’m enjoying learning alongside my children.
I never imagined that I would love homeschooling so much. I knew it was the right choice for our oldest, but I didn’t think about how it would impact me, as a parent.
When you first start homeschooling, you feel overwhelmed with what you don’t remember from school. You worry about how you are going to teach all the things. The reality is, I’m not really the teacher. I’m more of a coach, a willing sidekick who is curious and willing to dive down rabbit holes and find the answers to questions.
I often wonder who has learned more since embarking on this journey. I’m willing to bet that I’ve learned more from this process than my children have. Children are our wisest teachers!
Do you want to know five things you should NEVER say to an unexpected homeschooler:
Now, it’s your turn. Do you have homeschool secrets to add? Share here!
Hi Caitlin, thanks for your awesome blog! It’s an inspiration 🙂
If you’re ever looking for post topic suggestions, I’d love to hear about your mix of time-at-home with regular away-from-home commitments. What does your week look like? Did it take a while to work out a good balance? I’ve read your posts about sometimes finding yourselves over-committed, and taking refuge in Vermont (or was it Maine…?) for a while to recoup, so I know you’re not a fan of busy-busy-busy schedules, but I’d really like to hear about what kind of balance is working well for you guys.
At the moment, I’ve pared back our outside commitments so that they’re mostly clustered on Mondays and Fridays, giving us three mostly-quiet, mostly-at-home days, but sometimes it still feels like too much. Not so much that we’re stressed, but that we’re missing out on the opportunities for discovery and learning that arise naturally from unstructured time at home. But I worry that if I keep on cutting back… well… surely it can’t be good to go much lower than we are already, though I can’t quite put my finger on why…?
I’d love to hear your take on it! And thanks again for all your work, and for the resources and reviews you share.
Hi, Vila.
I actually need to write a post on this because you are not the first person who has asked. Our year was too full over here, especially at the beginning. I had signed on for too many volunteer obligations and I had three kids in three different places. Even though I am now homeschooling all three and even though a couple of obligations have ended, I still feel over-full and I think that is because it was just too much for me early on. We used to have afternoon activities M/W/F. Now, we have full Wednesdays, almost full Fridays, and an obligation Thursday afternoons. Our Mondays and Tuesdays are free and clear, as are our Thursday mornings. It still feels like too much, and I’m so looking forward to June when everything lifts, but it could just be because I did TOO MUCH in the fall. Does that make sense?
I like being able to live in the moment and decide what we are doing based on weather, etc. I’m looking forward to more of that this summer.
I need to read your Evernote post. I keep saying I’m going to switch. I have a good friend who uses it for her portfolio.
Oooh I know that feeling. I’ve just started part time homeschooling two of mine, but I still have two at school – plus an increadibly rambunctious toddler who is a complete handful. So at the moment I still have school runs/lunches/parent teacher interviews/school sport events on one hand, plus preparation for homeschool on the other hand. My husband runs his own business and works long hours, we live in the country so everything is quite a drive away. I’m not good at saying no so I’ve overcommitted myself with volunteer positions – plus prior to committing to homeschooling (we were unintentional for similar reasons to you) I was starting a business. Which has now stalled. I really need to look at my time and work out when I could get some sleep!!!
Sleep is SO important!!
This is a great post! All the things you listed are almost exactly what I feel about homeschooling for us, too. Interestingly enough, I was homeschooled, but thought I would never do it myself. Because of that, we spend the first three years of our oldest daughters life rushing to and from school. I don’t miss the rushing at all, though sometimes I miss the spare time I used to have.
Spare time would be nice, but I would rather not rush 🙂 Thank you for reading!
Like most, I am an “accidental homeschooler.” I definitely never thought I would be a homeschooling mom! But after two years, I can’t imagine us ever going back. I LOVE the flexibility, I love the free time my kids have to just play, I love being able to work on areas they struggle with, snuggle together and read on the couch, NO HOMEWORK, and so, so, so much more. I think if the dirty secret got out about how transforming homeschooling is, so many more would do it.
Dirty secret! So true and so funny! Glad you enjoy it too!
Dear Caitlin,
I am so in love with your blogs and posts. You are such an inspiration. I have been debating/researching homeschooling all school year. I have read study after study, article after article, blog after blog, curriculum after curriculum. Like any parent, I want to do what’s best for my kids and have decided to homeschool them next year (they are currently in public school). Now that I have made this decision, and my husband is on board, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am totally excited to begin this journey in our lives but disappointed that the rest of our family isn’t too thrilled. I am very close to my husbands family and my side of the family and am saddened that they think I’m crazy to homeschool. One of the biggest concerns they have, that I don’t really know how to respond to, is “How will the kids learn to socialize with other kids without having you there? How can they advocate for themselves if you’re always there?” What do you respond when you get asked these questions?
Hi, Kelly.
This is THE BIGGEST comment from non-homeschoolers, in my experience. You get it a lot at the beginning and then it gradually lessens… or at least it did in our case. I hope it does for you as well! Honestly? I got asked about this so much initially that I would worry about it too. The reality is, my kids’ social skills have grown in leaps and bounds since homeschooling. On any given day, they are out in the community interacting with EVERYONE, from infants to the elderly. Why, just this afternoon they met an autistic woman at the playground. There are so many opportunities for social-emotional growth when you leave that little brick and mortar box.
As for the advocating for themselves, I’m not always there. I let them play together without my intervention. They also attend outside activities. Nature camps, art classes, rec league sports. They interact with peers there without me standing over them.
It’s hard not to take these questions personally but these people will come to see that your kids are just fine. It is an AMAZING journey. I am so glad that I ended up here and I wish the same for your family. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
So great hearing from you!! Best of luck!!
Sitting in a room all day beimg forced to associate with 25 other people born the same year as you is not socialization! I love that my 10yo can play with a 7yo and it’s not taboo. “Oh, I can’t play with you because *you’re* a first grader and *I’m* a fourth grader”doesn’t happen anymore. Do your relatives go to work every day and only work with people the exact age as them? No, work places like to have diverse teams. Homeschoolers have the ability to worknin diverse teams, too.
So true, Paula!
Hi Caitlin, I love your post and can totally relate on many levels. This is my first year of teaching my nine year old who was diagnosed with dyslexia and his 6 year old sister. It has been a roller coaster ride until this month, mainly because I’ve gotten in my own way A LOT! When I finally simplified and actually began enjoying myself our school days seemed to get better and more productive. I too have spent years in the public schools as a teacher and knowing what I do really solidified my decision in homeschooling my own children, especially my son. I have to tell you that the other day my Dad asked, “Will Sam (my son) get a diploma??” He was genuinely concerned that my child won’t get that piece of paper when he finishes high school (8 years from now). My response was, “Sure he will- I can print one out.” Of course I was making a joke out of Dad’s comment, but truthfully I know homeschooling isn’t for everyone and not everyone gets it. Thank you for your insight and for sharing what you’ve learned. I’ll be sure to subscribe to your blog so I can get some much needed inspiration and help from time to time.
Thank you for sharing your journey, Janet. Congrats on your first year! I think we get in our own way so often! Even when I think I’m not going to do it again, it happens. It’s tough to shake that public school mindset… especially when you worked in public education.
I love the response you gave your dad!! 🙂
As an educator for over 13 years, teaching muliple grades levels, subjects, and various areas- homeschool has been my greatest and still BEST position ever! I still work part time in education so it is nice to keep abreast of outside learning while I teach our sons. Your article is so true! Some days are harder then others but it is still does not even come close to a bad day of 28+ in the classroom! I tend to compare alot and there are many similiarilities in outside school to homeschool but on a small scale. I am a planner and still plan ahead to the upcoming year so I tweek as I need too just like in public school. As we all know not every lesson works for every child! I think I have made housechores and many more things into life skills which tend to get left behind in schools. Some days life skills goes better than others but its not so much that prticular job I am worried about our children becoming hard workers and learning how the world works. And Field trips are great! Considering we have barely any in public school , so field trips are fun! However when you have all boys from tween to preschool age you have to learn sometimes to create individual field trips or a certain time block for them, or preparing for an entire day, which as you know, a preschooler gets tired within 3-4 hours. I think my biggest homeschool worry is being that family I saw over a decade ago that can NOT function outside the house. We have met families like it and I have tried to keep an open mind. I just know education and homeschooling is apart of education. We all have our own ways, just like some dont plan, and some have a by hour daily schedule. Its great to hear so much about others experience!
I love this comment, Michelle. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! Life skills are so important, as are field trips. It’s a shame there is no space for them in public school nowadays!
Yes! I love homeschooling, too. I rarely say that because when people ask they seem to want to hear how hard it is and how I need a break. So I tell them what they want to hear. But, yeah, secretly it’s awesome and a lot easier than I expected.
I’ve started saying that it’s so much fun and the reaction has been just as much fun 🙂
I love homeschooling too! Great post. xx
Thank you, Naimah!
Thank you for this post. Just what I needed this morning as I sip my coffee and enjoy watching my kids obsess over math games. We’re in our first year of homeschooling and while it’s not always easy we love it!
I am toasting you with my coffee, Alex! 🙂
What a fantastic description of all the lovely aspects of homeschooling. And, yes, those are ALWAYS the comments I hear from non-homeschoolers and its so tricky to know how to respond. Ususally I say something about how much I love it, but that it’s not for everyone and leave it at that, when inside I’m thinking “but you have NO IDEA just how awesome this is!!” It’s a lifestyle, not just an education, which people can’t fully understand unless they do it.
It’s the lifestyle bit that makes it challenging to explain to non-homeschoolers. So true!
[…] 5 Things No One Tells You About Homeschooling | Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley, My Little Poppies […]
Thank you! You summed up my experience so well in your words.
There are so many amazing things to do in our city. If we stay home all day, it is because I had to intentionally block that time off! I never thought I would have to be so intentional about that!
We have only homeschooled a few months and after September, I really didn’t feel the need to have it all together or be organized. I love the freedom to just learn through life (and GAMES now!) Following the kids interests we have learned so much together. Some days are downright difficult but overall, this was the best decision for our family and it LOVE it!!
[…] 5 Things No One Tells You About Homeschooling | Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley, My Little Poppies […]
Spot on Cait. I love home ed too and for mostly the same reasons you mentioned. My world has opened up since we started and I see learning and life intertwined together now. No more compartments.
But most of all, I love the impact on family dynamics. We are constantly learning to live with each other and adapt to different phases and needs – to respect one another and give and take space as needed. It’s so lovely to watch this love and getting to know each other even as we change constantly. Don’t know if I am making much sense. Lol.
So true!! You are making sense, I get it!
I have enjoyed your blog for some time. I am sharing this post with our facebook group, “Schoolin’ Swag”. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.
Thank you so much, Karen! Have a great weekend!
I love the freedom we have. We can pick up and go on a trip whenever we like. I love not packing lunches and morning commutes. I love being able to stay inside on cold winter mornings.ni love being able to choose programs that fit my three kids who all don’t exactly fit inside the box. I love that we can study what we like and individualize programs as needed. We are so blessed to have this freedom. I love Lesrning with my kids and being on this journey with them.
Hi,
It truly resonates with my homeschooling journey!! Nice write-up.
Cait,
You got it right! For ALL those reasons we do it and love it too. For us, we have been a military, traveling and moving every two years family. Our kids have lived everywhere (including overseas several times) so homeschool brings stability in an area that gives us freedom to focus on their needs. And the socializing piece? Oh wow, like you said, that happens naturally everywhere; playground, church, grocery store, Library, outside activities, family gatherings. As military kids my kids have been exposed to other cultures, tons of airports 😂 and real-life at the moment decision making while traveling. Oh and they’re great packers! 😉
Thanks for all your insight!
So much truth in this one – I love it!
That part about “a lot of time is wasted” in public education…yes, and I would put it to the lack of discipline nowadays in public schools. I was a temp teacher and a lot of time was wasted on discipline issues. Some classes even allowed the kids to have cell phones at their desk. I believe home school, which I also have some experience is, is a better way to go if you can.
Here in NH, I am proud to be joining SAU 168 this year with my children (Affinitynumerology.com says, it symbolizes, “Exploring as a Family. The numerology energy represented by the number 168 resonates with family and exploring — doing things together as a family. It is an enterprising energy which yet is somewhat idealistic and resonates with the idea of a harmonious community and a comfortable home.” I love it…). We have begun the process of deschooling – and while we aren’t entirely there yet, I know we will get there.
A self-proclaimed staunch supporter of public school education, I can imagine the conversations that will greet us in the days, weeks, and months ahead…I only hope that my children’s observations of those conversations will help them to understand what education symbolizes to so many others and helps them to love learning and preserve that greatness for their own children. I love that you are reading Little House in the Big Woods with your children, as I imagine the farmer may fondly remember from his days reading it…Perhaps this is how we might engage with these questions in the future…”Might we ask you a question, sir? What was your favorite book growing up? I’m looking for my next great read.” And then perhaps send him a letter talking about what they liked about the book. In my heart of hearts, I rhetorically then ask myself, isn’t this what homeschooling is all about? Isn’t this what education is all about? I hope so.
Thanks for creating an avenue for a dialogue such as this one. I’ll step down from my philosophical soapbox now… 🙂
Your post is so encouraging! I feel many of the same emotions as a previous elementary school teacher and now doing our first year of homeschooling. It’s dawned on me recently that our relationship with each other is so much stronger since we do everything together. It just takes time to learn how to do life well together. Thanks for sharing!
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Great read!!! Thanks for sharing such a great blog, blog like these will surely help every homeschooler.