Homeschoolers out there, do you second-guess yourself frequently? And for those of you who didn’t set out to homeschool… those of you who suddenly found yourself here, do you still find yourself getting mad at your public school, or the state of schools in general?
A few months back I wrote about my desire to stay flexible while homeschooling and not plan too much, despite the fact that I’m a planner by nature. In that post, I talked about how Leo and I came up with our Homeschoolin’ Daily Goals and our Homeschoolin’ Loop Schedule. Leo is the type of kid who wants to learn all the things right now, so I felt like daily goals plus a loop schedule might help to meet all his wishes without being overwhelming.
It was around this time that I decided to start a homeschool journal as well, just so that I would have the ability to look back and see what we have done. It’s nothing elaborate. Once the kids are in bed, I pull it out and quickly jot down a quick list of what we did that day.
I think I started the journal for two reasons. First, our state requires that I submit a portfolio at the end of the year. My memory used to be fantastic but I swear it got worse with each kid, and so it is my hope that this journal will assist with the portfolio. Secondly, and really this is the crux of it, I think it alleviates some of my underlying anxiety about this whole suddenly, unexpectedly homeschooling thing.
Even though I know that this decision is the absolute right choice for Leo, and even though I am amazed – on a daily basis- by what he is learning, and even though we are often having a lot of fun with the process, I still worry sometimes. And while I try not to, I’m always second-guessing myself.
I have been following Leo’s lead, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about what a first grader “should be” doing. I have peeked at the first grade curriculum frameworks. I’ve read online about what your 1st grader should know. I’ve checked to see where the “EPGY Guy” thinks Leo falls for grade level in math and language arts.
|
Last week, I shared some of these worries with a couple of mom-friends from my church group. Being the supportive villagers that they are, they insisted that I had no reason to worry. Then one of the moms, a teacher who has a first grader in the public school, said, “I know! Next week I’ll show you what they are doing. I’ll bring work samples!” I agreed that it might be help to ease the second-guessing.
So, the other day she brought a folder filled with paperwork and assignments from her first grader. I poured over the homework tips and vocabulary and quizzes and math problems and projects. And, do you know what? In some ways it did make me feel better.We pulled him from the public school to homeschool because the school was unwilling to accommodate his needs as a twice-exceptional gifted learner. As a product of public schools and a former school psych, homeschooling my child was not ever on my radar. The decision to homeschool was a leap of faith made to preserve his happiness and love of learning. Looking at the the work samples from my friend, I was reassured that this choice was the correct one. I imagined him in that classroom and I felt so sad for that little guy. I know he would be miserable learning first grade material. But I also realized- and not for the first time- that he is going to miss stuff. There are going to be cool projects and assignments and fun events that the first graders in our town will enjoy and Leo will not. And, while I’m okay with that for the most part, I do feel saddened that it has to be one way or the other, that our public education system is so stuck and inflexible. I felt a deep sadness that so many children in our nation’s schools are sitting in classrooms just waiting for the bell to ring. That they sit there, counting the minutes until they can go home to whatever makes them really smile. And that, after years and years of this, many of them forget what makes them smile and their love of learning is damaged… or lost entirely.
I may second-guess myself but I do not regret our decision to homeschool. We are certain that it has been one of our best, if unexpected, parenting decisions to date. Leo is happier than he’s ever been, and I have no doubt that he’s learning a great deal (I often have to Google what he is talking about!). I feel extremely grateful that we are in the position to homeschool him; that I have an education background and that I am able to stay home with him. So many people are not this fortunate. I see it every day online in the gifted forums to which I belong: the heartache over knowing your child isn’t having his or her needs met. The battles with the school district. The disappointments, the settling, and the worrying. The hopes for the next school year, that it might be a better fit. And then, each year, these battles are rehashed. It all just seems so unfair and crappy. Does anyone else still get all riled up about the schools, even though you are happy with your decision to homeschool?
Looking back on the past several months of homeschooling, I can say that we are relaxing into a comfortable new normal. We have met our daily goals most days, but we abandon them when something more interesting is available. We have not adhered to the loop schedule. After a few weeks, I began to understand that all I need to do is to ask Leo what he wants to do each day. He’s a kid who loves to learn and he comes up with some pretty fantastic ideas on his own, and we end up covering everything on our loop schedule over the course of a couple weeks. Sure we might be heavy on the Science and Arts and light on the Latin and Spanish, but who really cares? He’s choosing to do it all, with passion.
So yes, I might worry. I might second-guess myself. I might continue to check what They Say Leo should be learning But, the bottom line is this: his needs are met, and he is happy. I won’t hold him back from doing what makes him smile, from doing what he loves. I just wish that this could be true for all the kids.
How about you guys? Do you homeschoolers second-guess yourself? Do you still get mad at the school even though you don’t want your child to be there? Do you worry about the state of public education? Share your thoughts here!
***
To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves…
and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.
~ John Holt
~ John Holt
***
Yes, yes, and yes! I’m a former teacher – a former GT teacher, at that! – and I never thought I would be homeschooling. The fact that my sister and several very close friends are still in the classroom only makes the whole thing more complicated. They are all extremely kind about our choice (as I am about the hard work they do), but it is tricky. I find myself a fierce defender of teachers and the importance of public schools on one hand, and on the other…I see so many issues that I don’t believe that situation would work for us. I totally get every bit of this post & am right there with you.
It’s hard to be a proponent and a critic at the same time. What a conflict! Glad you understand!
I think about the things Caroline will miss. Silly things like dressing up like Pilgrims for Thanksgiving and making crafts for certain holidays. It’s strange how our own educational experience and being a teacher in the past shapes your view of what an education should be. And then I remind myself that what I’m thinking about is not an education. It’s SCHOOL. And one of the reasons I left teaching was because even though I loved teaching, I couldn’t deal with school. I know this is the right path for our family and especially for her. But I still am tempted to look through rose colored glasses at what she is “missing out” on.
I think of the silly things, too! The celebrations and dressing up. And you are 100% correct: those things are school, not education. Thanks for sharing your perspective and for reading, Sallie!
Often! Fear is always lurking in the back of my mind that I’m going to mess up and he won’t learn something he needs to know. But I know in my heart that this is the best path for him right now. Thanks so much for sharing. ?
I second guess myself all of the time. Perhaps because he has never been in school, I second guess our decision even more! Someone wrote me recently inquiring about homeschooling and while at first I started to tell her all of our great experiences, I found myself back at that, “is this a good decision fork” while she listed her worries. Do you ever stop second guessing? Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and for your honesty!