Recently we received a homeschool manifesto from our daughter.
But, first… the backstory.
If I ran the world (and believe me, I am happy that I don’t), kindergarten would be… different. Let’s be honest here, folks: Kindergarten needs an overhaul, a complete and thorough revamping.
My kindergarten would be filled with heaps of fantastic books and we would read aloud with wild abandon. When we weren’t reading, we’d be playing. And as long as it wasn’t freezing rain (the only weather that keeps this girl inside), we’d do most of that play outside.
There would be space for nature and imagination and music and art. The kids would come home with filthy, smiling faces. There’d be a lot of sediment in the tub at the end of each day!
Alas, my kindergarten is a stark contrast to the kindergarten of today. Today’s kindergarten feels more like the first or maybe even the second grade of my youth. Today’s kindergarten feels wrong to me. The 6-year-old in me feels suffocated by it.
We worried about how our oldest would handle today’s kindergarten before he even set foot in that door. We knew it would be a bit of a culture shock for him, coming from a play-based preschool.
We all know how that turned out.
And then, when it came time to register our daughter for kindergarten, I worried once more. I wrote an entire post about my kindergarten registration reservations. In that post I wrote:
I remember that misunderstood and downtrodden little kindergartener who would climb in my car every afternoon last year. And I feel guilty that we didn’t pull him from that situation earlier. I keep telling myself that this time we know better. We can always leave. We can always opt out. The minute she doesn’t enjoy it, the second she is not understood or valued, we can pull her and do it better.
We sent our daughter off to kindergarten in September because she wanted to go, knowing that we had a plan B. And, do you know what? September went beautifully. She loved it and blossomed. She climbed into my car each afternoon animated, smiling and bubbling over the top with stories from her day. She loved the playground. She adored the books. She gushed about the play kitchen and play office in her classroom. She treasured the class visits to the library.
I relaxed. Despite my feelings about today’s kindergarten, she was happy. That’s what we all want for our children, isn’t it? We want them to come home from school with a smile.
October started off on a high note, but after Columbus Day weekend the complaints started rolling in. At first, they were few and far between. With time, they grew more frequent.
They don’t let us play as much as they did at the beginning of the year.
They don’t read as much as we do here.
As soon as we think of a fun thing to play outside, we have to go back in.
And then came this one:
All we do is talk about numbers and letters and practice writing them, but we don’t do anything with them.
My kindergarten and today’s kindergarten are two very different beasts. The kindergarten of today places a strong emphasis on academics whereas mine would place a strong emphasis on hands-on exploration and play and nature and dirt and books (not necessarily knowing how to read, mind you, but enjoying great books).
Here’s the thing that really bugs me:
If you* are going to place such a strong emphasis on academics in kindergarten, you’re going to have to meet those kids where they are at, whether that means they enter your kindergarten classroom having never held a pencil or they walk in toting the third book of Harry Potter under their little arms. Otherwise, those children are at risk of losing their natural curiosity and love of learning.
*Please note that this you is a collective you, which is meant to refer to our public education system as a whole and does not, at any point in this post, refer to specific teachers. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher is wonderful. I understand that, sadly, our nation’s teachers’ hands are tied in these situations. They must adhere to administrative policies, even if those policies fail to incorporate research-supported best practice and fail students in the process.
That means if a kid enters your kindergarten and she knows how to read and write, you’re not going to make her sit on a carpet and go over letter sounds. And you aren’t going to have her practice writing individual letters when, at home, she strings those letters together to write books for fun. And you aren’t going to have her roll dice and practice writing individual numbers when she teaches her doll how to add and subtract during play.
And when her mom comes to you and voices these concerns and explains that her daughter is growing increasingly dissatisfied with school, you don’t reply that there is “no one” that she can be grouped with for reading because that is simply not true. Perhaps there aren’t children reading on her level in that classroom or in the other kindergarten classroom, but there are certainly children in the building who are reading at her level. She could go to a first-grade classroom for reading, or she could be paired with a second-grader who needs some extra practice, or she could have an adult mentor in the building to serve as a reading buddy. The list goes on and on and on. These solutions have been around for decades. They are not difficult to execute, nor do they cost a dime.
But instead of thinking outside of that box, or even- Heaven forbid- reading the research, so many schools today stall. They placate.
“The team will come up with a plan soon,” they promise. “The team will be meeting the second week of November. We’ll know more then.”
In the interim, that poor kid is still sitting there not playing and not spending time outside and yet she is also not doing a whole heck of a lot academically. And so, naturally, that kid doesn’t want to go to school.
When November rolled around, our daughter didn’t want to go to school at all. When she wasn’t asking if she could stay home, she was doing everything in her power to drag those little feet – she had a stall of her own going on.
That second week of November came and went. We heard nothing from the school, not that we had expected to. We’ve been down this road before and not long ago.
Plan B was looking better with each passing day.
By Thanksgiving, our daughter was asking if she could homeschool and we were listening. My husband and I talked about it many nights after the kids were asleep. Sure, she wasn’t as overtly unhappy as our son had been, but she certainly wasn’t smiling when she got in that car at the end of the school day. When you know better, you do better and we weren’t about to keep her there until June if she wasn’t happy. Together, we decided that waiting until winter break made the most sense closure-wise since it was less than two weeks away.
And so we shared this plan with our daughter.
Not twenty-four hours later, she shared something with us. I call it her Homeschool Manifesto:
This Homeschool Manifesto detailed all of the things she would like to learn at home. She didn’t want to wait until winter break. She was done. She had been done for a while and used her manifesto to drive the point home. When she presented it, she was beaming.
“I’m not learning any of these things at school,” she said, with a huge smile on her proud little face.
Folks, you can’t argue with a manifesto like that.
It’s funny to me that not twenty-four hours after we received the manifesto and a month later than promised, we got a call from the school. They had a plan:
Our daughter’s school day would remain exactly the same, but they were willing to offer an afterschool “book club” to meet her needs.
They could not meet her needs during school, but they would like to extend her day and attempt to meet them after school.
Say what?
When the phone call ended, I felt frustrated with our school once again. And I felt angry because our entire public education system is broken in so many different ways. And I felt sad for all the kids sitting in our nation’s schools who aren’t smiling. There are so many families that don’t have the ability, or the confidence, or the support, to have a Plan B.
And so we are homeschooling once more. It isn’t as sudden or unexpected this time, and it isn’t nearly as scary. In fact, to be perfectly honest, we are all smiling.
Love this AND your sweet girl! ?
Love the insights about Kindergarten today. Your Kindergarten ideas sound lovely!
I ran for school board to advocate for the needs of GT kids and advanced learners. As a result, they made our part time GT teacher full time. My boys now get a 4 day a week pull out program instead once a week. My youngest has an October birthday, and just turned 5. I’ve already talked to our administration about him skipping kindergarten. There is a mandatory state minimum age requirement for Kindergarten and first grade. We’ll see how it goes. My goal is to improve our district schools for all the kids. I want to have the needs of all the kids on the curve met. (And the kids who are so far beyond it, they need a different measurement.)
I could have written your article. My kindergarten child wants to learn. Begs to learn. It falls on deaf ears from the teacher. The gifted teacher. The principal. NEXT year, they promise, he can go to Gifted Class more than 30 minutes a week. Maybe you could even skip a grade. Next year. Until then, sit there and be quiet. You can listen to the letter sounds even though you can read, and do worksheets ALL day of math you could do when you were 2. We don’t CARE you can do multiplication, fractions, integers. We. Don’t. Care. There is NO PLAY at all except at recess. No manipulatives. If my child were forced to wait for everyone to catch up to his abilities, I would be fine with it if he could play and interact. But that is not happening. I have an application in to a Montessori school as we speak for after winter break. I’m hoping it’s the answer. If not, then we will homeschool. It shouldn’t be this way.
This is totally our story with our daughter – only we kept her in school for 2 more years after kindergarten. First grade was better with a hugely receptive teacher but school was still stressful for her. After 3 years we finally got to a place where we knew that we would have to figure out how to make school at home work for her and us. I can happily report that having finished our first semester at home that we haven’t seen any of the coping mechanisms that we were seeing before. Amazing.
LOVE this. I sooo relate to so many of these posts. We are doing the traditional “public school” education. We are in our 2nd hear and as the months pass on, I grow mkre dissapponted. There are so many things I would do differently. So many things I would change. So many things that would benefit my son so much more than his present placement. But then the stress, worry, anxiety, and doubt of thjnkjng outside the box take over. Thank you for providing positive outlooks and motivation to show that education can look and be different. I just need to find that courage to go down that road!
I knew before my daughter even started kindergarten that she would be bored out of her mind. I student-taught kindergarten, so I knew what it was like. So she never went to public school. It was just natural for the others to follow suit after that. We love doing our own thing!
Love this post, Caitlin. It expresses my thoughts precisely.
🙂
I kept my son in public school until 3rd grade, mainly because he had very supportive teachers until then who helped enrich his classroom experience as much as possible, but he was learning very little on a daily basis. In third grade, they start the standardized tests, and school turned into reading and math. We got him tested for gifted status (he was), but were told there wasn’t a gifted program until the middle school. But don’t worry, the teacher will provide some enrichment for him (no she won’t – he’s quiet and good and she has many other students to worry about) and we can add some enrichment at home. Yes, in fact, why bother even sending him to school to waste his time. We’ll just stick with the enrichment at home. We pulled him from public school in the next couple of days.
Those were essentially my sentiments, too, Natalie: Why bother? My daughter had been enjoying it, but I knew that the moment she truly didn’t, we’d be out of there. It’s been a relief having her home. She’s SO much happier!
She’s your very own curriculum designer! How awesome is that? It makes me wonder what each of my kids would write for their own “manifestos.” I think I know, but I might just ask them so I can see! 🙂
Oh, please do! And let me know what they say!
I was thinking the same thing! I’m going to ask my kids today. 🙂
Let me know what they say!
I don’t know how I missed this post – I have just been out of the loop since before the holidays! So glad your Little Miss is home and having fun again. Our progression from September to November was almost exactly the same, down to the list of what my girl actually WANTED to learn. Thanks for sharing your journey – you are creating CHANGE all along the way. <3
We lead very similar lives on different sides of the US, too funny! Thank you for reading- grateful for these little teachers of ours! <3
We tried kindergarten this year for our social butterfly but our experience was very, very similar to yours — she’s home now, happily homeschooling with her brothers!
Funny how that happens! So happy she’s happy! 🙂
I have a 4th grader who likes to read and the structure of school, and he is happily attending a private school.
I have s 2nd grader who has epilepsy and ADHD, and I pulled him out to homeschool last week, way later than I should have. They wanted him to do extra hours after school, too.
I hope it goes well, Kristy! I waited too long to pull my oldest, too. It’s funny… almost every homeschooler I meet says that their only regret is that they didn’t do it sooner. You aren’t alone! 🙂
How do you home school if you work full time? I would love to hear any ideas!
Hi, CC!
Have you checked out the book and website “How to Work and Homeschool”? I think it would be helpful for you. One thing to remember is that, with 1:1 instruction, ‘school’ takes FAR less time. Good luck!
This is our exact situation too!! I’ve been trying to wait on our school for both my 2nd and fourth grade gifted girls. I kept thinking the next year would be better. This year we are going to cluster them in the classroom and provide more enrichment. Now I sit here almost in tears that I didn’t decide to homeschool sooner. This will be our first year starting. I feel so sad especially for my soon to be 5th grader. She is such a good little girl, all I kept doing was to tell her is that, ” it will get better.” I’ve wasted 5 years with her 🙁 After looking into mostisorree school and the price of 20 thousand a year, I started looking into homeschool. I just never knew anything about it until I started researching it. I’m so excited there is so many options and support. We are going to Seattle next week to attend our first convention since brave writer will be there. I’m so excited for my girls finally. Kara
Kara, You’ve got this! I am so jealous you are going to see Brave Writer’s Julie Bogart. If you see her in person, please tell her I said hello 🙂
Please know that EVERY unexpected homeschooler has the same regrets. I do, too. I should have pulled him sooner. You are not alone! <3
Thank you for this post and for your blog! I have learned so much! I am debating about homeschooling my 9 year old. He has a language disorder and so much of school is a challenge for him. He has an IEP and but he still feels so much anxiety about trying to keep up with the kids his age. He is still exposed to regular curriculum in the classroom and he just cant keep without a peer tutor or a parent volunteer helping him. He feels stupid, but I know he has so much potential! The learning style and pace is not the right fit for him. I’m worried that if I homeschool, I wont know how to teach him very well and he will fall further behind. I’m willing to work hard and keep trying, but the fear holds me back. As a homeschooling mom and school psychologist – do you have any advice? Thanks so much!
Hi, Ann!
It’s so hard when your child is misunderstood, and tough to see them feel negatively about their abilities. I would go with your gut. Remind yourself that you know this child better than anyone. I can promise you that there are plenty of people homeschooling children with unique needs. In fact, many parents of kiddos on IEPs pull their children because they feel *only* the weakness is being helped in the school. I’m not telling you to do one thing or another, but just listen to that mama gut. And also remember that whatever you do, if it fails, you can change it. <3
Thanks so much for your insight!
I’m not sure how I stumbled on your post in the internet black hole– another blog, maybe– but can I just offer a different perspective from the view of a public school teacher?
Full disclosure, I teach high school, so my experience is different from that of a kindergarten teacher.
Have you ever tried doing 30 things at once? Like, thinking about those 30 things and really putting effort into those 30 tasks? Simultaneously?
Because as much as you wanted your daughter to have a personalized curriculum, there are 30 (60?) other parents who would like their kids to be afforded the same opportunity. They want the teacher to tailor a plan for their kid’s strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, quirks, and passions.
It is not realistic for a teacher to do this for 30 students. It’s just not. That’s where the concept of public school comes in. The teachers get together and say, “how can we address the needs of the average student who comes in the door? With the hope that we’ll also engage the lower students and the higher ones?”
And maybe a really good teacher will say, “how can I put together three different skill groups in my class? The lower achievers, the middle, and the high? How can I differentiate instruction to meet the needs of these three groups at the same time?”
But apparently that wasn’t enough for you. Your daughter needed BETTER than the highest skill group. (Apparently she’s spent her childhood doing imaginative play but ALSO writing manifestos. Ok). So now the teacher, while managing the needs of 30 individual students, getting them through the state standards, differentiating instruction into three or more groups, was supposed to come up with an individual learning plan for YOUR daughter. But only your daughter, right? Not the 29 other students who deserve personalized care as much as she does?
You seem like a very intelligent person. Did you attend public school? Did you feel that being occasionally bored has permanently scarred you in some way? You’ll never recover because sometimes you were ahead of your peers?
You do you. Seriously. It’s great that you have the time to homeschool your kids. I’m sure they’re thriving. OF COURSE you have a deep understanding of your daughter’s quirks and passions and moods and needs. She’s YOUR daughter. But to those teachers, she was a stranger that they were trying to get to know and understand– while they were doing the same for dozens of other kids.
Lastly, while you have every right to criticize public schools, you really will never have a true understanding of the dedication it takes until you’ve been a classroom teacher for an extended period of time.
Good luck.
ElleBee,
Next time you wish to comment on my page, I invite you to explore my bio. I imagine it took some time and energy to craft this vehement response, which mistakenly assumes I lack an understanding of the public education system and the amazing teachers who hold it together.
I wish you the best,
Cait
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Sorry, I LOL’ed at the after school solution. Do you know how many parents tell me that they challenge their child at home after school to make up for them not learning anything all day, but they leave them in school because they would miss their friends and need to be socialized? Good grief. And, these are people at private Christian schools.
I can so relate. My daughter is done. We tried for 3 years at private Christian school, no less, and she beams every time she talks about all the thing she wants to do at homeschool next year.
I’m also very frustrated with traditional school in this country and frankly with parents who put up with it. I wish so many people who aren’t happy would get brave and pull their kids out. If people would just leave in droves for one year, maybe it would force the hands of the schools?
Sounds like your daughter wants a Charlotte Mason education! I’m impressed with her ability to be so articulate about her wants and needs at the age she was here. Great job, Mom!
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