Gifted? Let’s talk about it.
Let’s talk about the g-word: gifted. It’s an uncomfortable word, is it not? The word gift implies that the child has been given something extra, that they have a leg up over other children. It leaves out the concept of giftedness as asynchrony, which I believe is the key to changing the public’s understanding of this population. In my humble opinion, gifted is not the best descriptor for this population. But, like it or not, gifted is the label that we have. It is what it is, folks.
For the longest time, we didn’t use the g-word for the reasons I just mentioned. It’s uncomfortable. You worry that you are going to make others feel badly. You worry that folks will think you hothouse. You feel like you can’t complain about it- ever. I mean, really, who complains about a gift? So, for too long, Schizz and I would talk about the g-word in the safety of our home. We’d whisper, “Could he be? Is it possible? What does it mean?” and we’d read and read and read, trying to understand.
But here’s the thing: if we all sit around not talking about it, we are doing a huge disservice to these gifted children. Sure, it might be uncomfortable at first, but the more you talk about giftedness the easier it will be for you, and the better it will be for them. Talking about giftedness increases the general public’s understanding and understanding leads to change. We need to talk about gifted and twice-exceptional children.
We’ve come a long way since those early days. I can’t believe all that has happened around here in the space of a year. Schizz and I talk about giftedness now. We talk about it with family, friends, and members of our community. And, do you know what? When we started talking about it, those who had met Leo were not surprised. They already knew. And, when I talk about it online, other parents are relieved. They see themselves in our story. I’ve met so many parents, educators, and advocates in the online gifted community, and they are talking about it, too.
Our son is gifted and twice-exceptional, and I’m talking about it.
I’m talking about how challenging it can be to parent a profoundly gifted child, and how sometimes you experience profoundly gifted guilt.
I’m talking about why we decided to test Leo for giftedness, and how this decision impacted our journey.
I’m talking about giftedness in terms of asynchronous development, and how our son is out-of-sync because he is many ages at once.
I’m talking about how my son is exceptionally sensitive. I’m talking about this a lot, because this is an important characteristic of giftedness.
I’m talking about all the resources and communities that have helped our family on this journey, so that they may help others.
I’m talking about Leo’s perfectionism and fear of failure, both of which are common among this population.
I’m talking about hothousing and how I’m not doing it. I’m not the one doing the pushing in this relationship, folks.
I’m talking about what it is like to raise a twice-exceptional child.
I’m talking about some of our PG, 2E and full of OE moments, because parenting Leo is one of the great challenges of my life. I’ll probably share a lot of these moments. I’m keeping it real.
I’m talking about how he was born this way.
I’m talking about how my son’s brain is overflowing with so many ideas and projects upon projects.
I’m talking about my son’s creativity. And he’s talking about it, too. And I’ll talk about why creativity is important for this population of kids.
I’m talking about my son’s love of books. I’m going to talk about how important our library card has been on this journey. I’m not bragging when I talk about this, these books are our ticket to survival.
I’m talking about how our experience homeschooling is different from our experience in the public school.
I’m talking about how homeschooling this child is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it can be downright ugly. That said, it’s so much better than having him in a school that did not understand him.
Wondering if your child is gifted/2e?
Now, it’s your turn. Tell me: Do you have trouble saying the g-word? Share here!
This post was part of the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum February 2015 Blog Hop, How do YOU say, “Gifted”? Please click the image below to keep on hoppin’!
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Communication leads to community, that is,
to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.
~ Rollo May
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I particularly love the acceptance involved in this statement: “It is what it is, folks.”
Thank you, Bob!
In daily dealings, I just use “gifted” when I need it. In other situations… with coaches, people who might someday be friends, people who I need to get along with? That’s so much harder. In those cases I tend to use the backup coded words that aren’t gifted. He’s intense. He’s very bright. He’s highly imaginative. He’s out-of-sync. This week, we go to see about having a third exceptionality diagnosed (we’ve already got GT and SPD), and I have to have the conversation with his doctor.
I’m particularly leery right now, as I’m sitting in the middle of a dilemma. I have a very large suspicion that Mad Natter might just be profoundly gifted. He fits all the descriptions, even with his 2E things in play. But, without testing, I lack the ability to accurately describe just how gifted this child may be. And without the formal label, it does read much like bragging, so I avoid it. But, how do you talk to other people about your fears that your child may be farther from average than you thought – without being sure, without the goofy test, without using the phrase “profoundly gifted” when that’s exactly what you mean, but feel like you can’t say? I think I feel a new post coming on.
I’m so happy for recent happenings in your life, Care. Can’t wait to hear more of what you find out. These kids are such puzzles! I love that you feel a post coming on – can’t wait to read it!
I once had a parent tell me that she had wanted to join my parent support group for over a year, but didn’t because she was uncomfortable with the word gifted and didn’t want any of her friend to know her kid was gifted. It has been another year past now, and she still has not joined. It is so important that we as advocates keep on talking about it, openly …so that others may also have the strength to do so. My hope is that one day being gifted will be understood and accepted no differently than any other “special needs” population. Thank you for this post!
Oh, Karen, that’s so sad. I hope she finds her people and doesn’t keep hiding. That’s not healthy for anyone!
It is what it is – exactly! In our family, we try to get past the emotions that come with the word gifted and instead focus on the needs and behaviors that derive from being gifted.
Exactly! It is what it is and we need to get over the emotional stuff associated with it. Thanks, Maggie!
“But here’s the thing: if we all sit around not talking about it, we are doing a huge disservice to these gifted children.” <—Yes! Absolutely! Because it is not about our discomfort, but about the disservice to our gifted children. They are children and they depend on adults for support and nurturing.
Thanks for a great shot in the arm, Caitie. And I mean that in a good way 🙂
🙂 Exactly. Thank you, Celi!
It feels good to talk about gifted, profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional without fear of backlash. Gifted children and families need advocacy and discussing what gifted actually is creates awareness. We are parenting the children we have with all their quirks, overexcitabilities and asynchrony and it helps to discuss all that it encompasses.
I agree, Amy. Talking about it creates awareness. Thanks for reading!
Yes. It is what it is, no better or no worse. Just different. And maybe if we all talk about it in relatable ways–like through this hop–some of the discomfort will go away.
Just different. So, so true. Thanks, Pamela.
Great post about the need to really talk about it – openly. The more we speak openly and honestly about giftedness, the more we can educate others. Thanks.
Thank you, Gail!
I love the way you outline so many of the specific issues that parents of these kids deal with. This post is an easy way for parents and others to learn more. Thanks, Caitie.
Thank YOU, Paula 🙂
I am SO HAPPY you’re talking and writing!
In an ideal world, we would need no labels, but because our world is far from ideal, we need dedicated and articulate advocates like you to educate others about the needs of children whose educational settings are insufficient to meet their needs. Thank you!
I agree completely. Labels are a necessary evil in the world we live in. Thanks, Wenda!
I love how passionate you are about advocacy and talking about it, Caitie! You are inspiring, and I admire your energy.
It’s me scrambling to keep up with these little people 😉 I know you get it!
“It leaves out the concept of giftedness as asynchrony, which I believe is the key to changing the public’s understanding of this population. ”
Cait, I agree wholeheartedly. I use the term “asynchronous learner” a lot because it opens communication. I find “gifted” shuts it down.
Thank you so much! The “gifted” term definitely shuts it down. It’s a shame!
Thanks for this. It makes our life sound normal to hear your story. I like your description of “he is so many ages at the same time.” When I inquired of a preschool administrator what her school wor do for my son (she asked me to describe him), she said reading really isn’t all that important in our modern world, what with text to talk. Our library card is our lifeline. That was the final push I needed to opt for homeschooling.
Honestly, I don’t know where we’d be without that library card! Our librarians understand him so much better than the school ever did.
Can you explain why “poppies”? I keep running into the term on gifted blogs and I’m not sure why. Thanks!
Certainly! It’s from an article by Miraca Gross about tall poppy syndrome, which you can read here. It’s a classic in gifted literature 🙂 Thanks for asking!
There are less comfortable terms than gifted. My friend Kathi Kearney did a conference presentation once about the various ways people have talked about giftedness. How do you feel about fortunate deviant?
Yikes! I’ll take gifted over “fortunate deviant” any day of the week! I’m a big fan of Kathi Kearney and hope to meet her one day!
[…] Gifted? Let’s Talk About It Let’s talk about the g-word: gifted. It’s an uncomfortable word, is it not? The word gift implies that the child has been given something extra, that they have a leg up over other children. It leaves out the concept of giftedness as asynchrony, which I believe is the key to changing the public’s understanding of this population. By Cait Fitz, My Little Poppies. […]
The term “gifted” was never on my radar until I came across you through your podcast. It describes my seven year old daughter very well. Though she is introverted and does sit still when she is engrossed in a project or book, her mind never shuts off. She has some sensory over responsiveness and is very intense and explosive, often violent. She definitely has some anxiety and fear of failure. I thought she was in the typical range because I am very similar to her and back when I was in school people weren’t so quick to label and diagnose – I was quirky, but there wasn’t a name for it or any worry over it. When my daughter went to kindergarten last year, I discovered that the school felt differently, and the teacher, superintendent, and counselor were very concerned. One of them told me it was definitely not normal, and, with humor, said they hadn’t had a kid like that since I was in school there. They were mentioning autism spectrum disorders and recommending therapy. We did see a therapist for a while but my daughter wouldn’t talk to her; she finally said a few words in the last session of the year, but then we found out that therapist had taken a different position and we couldn’t work with her any more. I couldn’t stomach starting all over, so we didn’t return to therapy. I got a letter saying my daughter was discharged due to “selective mutism.” I laughed so hard and told my mom, who laughed and said, “I think you have that, too.” It just strikes me as strange and frustrating that the same group of characteristics can be called gifted, aspbergers, or spirited (love that book). Pick your euphemism. She is amazing when she is not being an a-hole. Lol. I currently don’t feel the need for a diagnosis, but having a positive label in my head helps me not take it all so personally. We all just have to work with our individual kids and their needs, as there is so much diversity even within these labels.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough experience with this to this point, Tess. I am glad you’ve found another descriptor that is more positive. My son is 2e, or twice-exceptional. He’s gifted with special needs. We were able to determine this through an eval with a psych who understands gifted and 2e kids. Also, counselor fit can be huge. Hope this helps a little bit and best of luck to you on your gifted/2e journey!