Oh boy, you guys. There are some days when the whining almost drives me to the brink! And, lately, I’m finding the predictable whining to be the worst. The whining that you know is about to occur as soon as you say something that you need to say.
For example, my 7-year-old takes piano lessons. This child sings, or whistles, or hums, from sun up until sun down. His piano teacher is amazing! He loves her! He loves going to lessons! But… asking him to practice?
This is how it all goes down, every single day:
Just remember that you still need to practice piano.
Upon hearing these words, which he hears every single day, my son collapses, either on a surface or the floor.
Muuuuuuuum!!! Come! Onnnnnnnn!!! I don’t want to praaaactice!!!! Ahhhhhh!!! Ohhhh boooooy!!!
I wish I were kidding, but that’s what he sounds like, except loud. Very, very loud.
This is predictable whining because I know, as soon as I say the word practice, he’ll whine.
But here’s the interesting tidbit: he enjoys playing. In fact, once those little fingers touch the keys he’s singing and smiling and practicing and making up songs.
The tricky part is getting the fingers to touch the keys. Until then? Endless whining.
Recently, I’ve stumbled onto a strategy. I call it Dangling a Homeschool Carrot, and it goes something like this…
Each day, I try to accomplish the following in our homeschool: reading, math, a little writing, piano (for my oldest), outside time, and play. I refer to these things as our “must-dos”. When things run smoothly, the reading, math, writing, and piano are accomplished before lunch. That leaves us with the entire afternoon to devote to other subjects, extracurriculars, or nothing at all.
My oldest loves those extracurriculars: science experiments, geography and history exploration, art projects, writing stories, board games, baking/cooking, music study, hikes, monthly subscription kits… he loves hands-on fun.
Every evening, once the kids are asleep, I take a moment to plan the following day. It’s nothing crazy or super-involved. In fact, it’s usually just a to-do list on the back of a piece of paper I pull from our recycling bin. It’s more of a morning wish list than a to-do list, actually. I make a little list of the things I’d love, in an ideal situation, for us to accomplish. Then, I research a homeschool carrot. I try to keep things interesting, so if we’ve been doing oodles of doodles in the afternoons, I research a fun science experiment or I pull out a loved game that we haven’t played in a while. And by “research” I mean I head over to Pinterest and see what looks especially enticing. Then, I pick two things that I know my son will love because kids love choices.
Then, the next morning, when the kids and I discuss the plan for the day, I dangle the carrot.
If we finish everything today, I was thinking we could do some kitchen science or maybe pull out a Tinker Crate!
This never fails to elicit a smile and is usually a fantastic motivator. Later, when I mention the word practice, the predictable whining still happens, but I am able to dangle the carrot to stop it in its tracks.
Just remember, if you bang your must-dos out of the park, we’re going to do some animal tracking!
Now, I’m not about to sit here and tell you that the homeschooling carrot works miracles. It doesn’t. But, it works enough that I’m going to keep on doing it until I find that miracle!
Tips for finding the perfect homeschool carrot:
In some ways, the homeschool carrot is plain, old-fashioned bribery. But, it can be more than that too. The trick is to find a homeschool carrot that works for both of you.
- Have you been light on history lately? Why not suggest creating a family time capsule together and bury it in the backyard or stash it in the attic.
- Do you want to work more on life skills? Why not suggest that the kids create a restaurant, complete with a menu (meal planning), purchases (budgeting, math), design (writing, art), and execution (cooking, clean-up)?
- Slacking in math? Don’t call it math! Suggest an afternoon filled with board games or a book-palooza with these story books.
- Need to do more science? Why not suggest making potions or pull out a Groovy Lab in the Box!
Our most recent homeschool carrot success:
Just last week, my son was whining about – you guessed it!- piano practice. Fortunately, a friend had posted a link to my Facebook timeline. I had seen it before, and I’m sure you have too! Each time I’ve seen this online, I’ve thought to myself:
We need to try this!
But then life happens and I don’t get around to it. Well, on this particular morning I was searching, frantically, for a carrot. And then my friend posted Teach Beside Me’s amazing Periodic Table Battleship and there it was: our carrot.
Quickly, I turned my laptop so that my son could see it and said:
This looks fun, doesn’t it? All we need to do is to print and laminate the tables and we could play it this afternoon, after you’re done with your must-dos.
My son, who has been on a chemistry kick since the summer, abruptly stopped his whining and shouted:
That! Looks! Awesome!!!
And then, quick as a wink, he ran to the keyboard. He banged his homeschooling must-dos clear out of the park. And, later, that afternoon, we had some fun.
When mine were small I had a violinist. I also was friends with Nancy Wallace who was raising two musicians. She gave me some good advice. Replace the word practice with play. He has to play the piano every day. Bribery works, as you have found. She would have a dish of raisins or nuts or cheese cubes on the piano, for sustenance while playing. My daughter did not always feel like a lesson on lesson days. So, if her lesson went well, we had a treat all around afterward. Usually ice cream.
I would also like to mention something I observed. Bridget would be happy with her music, playing a lot, but not making huge amounts of progress. Then we would accidentally or on purpose give her an experience that challenged her musically. Usually taking her to listen to a professional play. It was not easy to predict what would do it and we were ambivalent anyway. It would make her miserable. For weeks her violin would make her cry. “It won’t sing. I can’t make it sing.” Every lesson, every practice would end in tears. I cannot tell you how many times I told her violin was not essential and we could stop lessons, only to be told “I need to play the violin.” usually through gritted teeth. She would battle her violin until her skill level improved to the point where she was happy with her music again. Then we would have a blessed period of peace and joy again, until something triggered a step up in her standards again. Then back to the battle to the death with the violin.
You have my sympathy.
Kit
Kit, Your comment resonated with me. I’ve had 5 years like this with my intense and sensitive daughter who plays classical guitar. My son’s just started piano and I’m bracing myself, lol. 😀 I like your idea about keeping snacks near the piano – I’m definitely trying that!
I LOVE the idea of replacing the word practice with play – so perfect!! I’m also going to try the snacks.
Wow! Aren’t you the responsible parent? Honestly, sometimes I make fun of him by whining exactly the way he’s doing! But he thinks its hilarious!! And it instantly stops the whining. We both laugh, and move on.
Still, it’s a great idea. I’m just not sure what would be his carrot. Certainly not anything REMOTELY “school-ish.” He’s on to me for that stuff. I’ve been thinking about getting TinkerCrate or something similar.
I have friends who have tried that whine-back-at-him-to-make-him-stop-thing. I’ve tried it and it didn’t work here. Bribery can work if I find the carrot 🙂
This sounds very familiar! I find teatime is very inspiring for my guys, as well. Nothing like tea and cake to make learning even more fun. 🙂
Do you know I have a post in my drafts about the magic of tea? SO TRUE. Tea makes everything better, bonus points for fancy cups! 🙂
Just popping in to say that I got a little thrill from seeing two of my favourite bloggers on the same page.
Love you, Cait!
Love you, Lucinda!
You are both absolute inspirations to me and I appreciate your work so, so much.
This is so great! Thank you for the kind words!
Love you too! <3 Your encouraging words always light up my day! Love our community. 🙂
This is my son. He loves piano. It’s his talent in a big way. It comes easy for him. He loves playing and tinkers on it any chance he gets … unless I tell him he needs to practice. Then whiiiiiiiiinnnnnneeeee. I don’t get it. He likes what his teacher gives him for homework. He keeps him challenged while making it fun. He gives him a lot of encouragement, pushes just the right amount, and pulls back when he sees he might be pushing too far. They get along great and it’s been a good relationship. But practice is just … ugh! I might have to try this tactic this week.
Let me know if it works! I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with the drama 🙂
I use carrots. Though I’m sorry to say mine are not nearly as productive as yours ?. We like to watch tv series together so ‘if everyone is finished, we can all watch an episode of ___ ‘ (we normally have lots of afternoon/evening schedule: sports, music and farm chores so this motivates and we get to have that down time together )
I love that! Down time is the best 🙂
I love this! We too have waves of predictable whining that make we want to climb up the wall. Or out of my skin. I’ve dangled less than educational carrots before but I know my son would love it if he had a science experiment or board game to look forward to. Heck, he’s been begging me to let him crack eggs when I cook, that would be a great carrot. =) This is the second time this week that I’ve had your blog pop up through friends on Facebook. I’m so glad I found you as I begin this homeschooling journey as well.
Cracking eggs is a fantastic carrot 🙂 We like that one over here!
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I’m a violin teacher. As a kid, I hated practicing, still do, actually, and I’ve taught many students who were resistant to practicing. Here’s my best tricks:
Have a routine. Always practice before or after a meal, for example. For awhile, I had good success always practicing before school (my bus came really late for middle school). In college, I would check myself into a practice room by 10pm then play for hours. But if it’s a consistent, normal thing, it’s way easier to do.
Find someone to play with. For awhile, I was playing in 3 or more orchestras, and between those and lessons, I hardly needed to practice (for daily play, anyway). But even just a family member or a friend can be great fun to play with, and quite motivating.
Shake it up. Tired of your same old lesson music? How about pop tunes, Disney music, or fiddle tunes? How about some jazz? Playing different music makes things more exciting, stretches us in different ways, and we’re still playing on our instrument.
I love this, and even though I’ve heard you talk about it before, somehow I totally forgot about it and I REALLY need this right now! Thank you for sharing it again, Cait.
The first year we homeschooled, I had a thrift store microscope. I could promise, “If you do well at school, I’ll let you look at item x under the microscope” – it worked well for a LONG time!