Today, I’d like to chat bully prevention at home.

Bully Prevention at Home

Bullying.

You can’t go too far these days without hearing about one person being unkind to another. It seems there are more anti-bullying campaigns in the schools now than there were when I was a child and yet you read about countless children who were bullied to the point of suicide. These stories break my heart. What can we do about it? How can we stop the anger, fear, and aggression? How can we prevent others from standing by and doing nothing?

The thought of my children being bullied by another, or- God forbid- bullying another, makes me feel ill. I want for my children to grow up to be happy, resilient, and kind human beings. I want them to see the light in those around them, regardless of differences, and I want them to be brave and to stand up against the wrongs done unto others. I don’t want to raise bystanders, I want to raise upstanders.

How do we do we create kind, empowered, resilient, helpful humans? Can we work on bully prevention at home?

I don’t claim to have the answers, folks. I’m right there in the trenches with the rest of you. I can, however, share some of the things that we do over here that I hope will help these kids in the future, and then I’d love to hear what you do at home.

We spend time together as a family. We eat meals, play games, read books, and make memories together.

We communicate. No topics are off-limits over here. We try to always talk openly about our day, our thoughts, and our feelings.

We model kindness both at home and outside of our four walls. We use kind words, and treat others with respect and caring. If we are unkind to another, we apologize and talk about it- adults included. In our family, we value kindness above all else.

We respect those around us. We talk about differences, rather than pretend that we don’t see them. I have little tolerance for teasing or gossip, and when it occurs, we talk about it and try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

We serve others. Giving back creates small ripples of kindness in this world. I want my children to know that it feels good to help those around you.

We help our children to navigate conflict both at home and outside, in the community. We talk them through situations and help them so that they have a language around conflicts for the future.

We practice mindfulness and self-care. We leave enough space between so that our children can discover what makes them truly happy. These are important life skills.

We talk about bullying. We talk about what bullying is, why it might happen, different types of bullying, bystanders and upstanders, and what to do if bullying occurs.

And, let’s face it folks. Bullying is not a childhood phenomenon. We are living in heart-breaking times right now. Talk about it; talk about all of it at your child’s developmental level. Don’t pretend to be colorblind, for that is not our reality. Racism is alive and well, largely due to folks pretending that it is a thing of the past. Talk about differences, celebrate uniqueness, fight injustice.

It can be difficult to talk about bullying when your child has yet to experience it. One of the best ways I’ve found to talk about bullying with my children is through the use of books. Is anyone out there surprised by that?? Books are a wonderful way to talk about any topic, including diversity, differences, bullying, bystanders, and kindness.

Our favorite bully prevention books

Don’t Laugh at Me by Steve Seskin and Allen Shamblin

I cannot get through this book, or the song on the accompanying CD, without crying. In fact, I have tears in my eyes just typing about this heartfelt story and song. This title will help your child not only to think about others, but also to feel what others might be feeling. Don’t Laugh at Me is being utilized as an anti-bullying campaign across the country. You can read more about the Don’t Laugh at Me movement here.

 

Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud

Before Have You Filled a Bucket Today?, our family would talk about kindness, being kind, and using kind words. After this book, our language changed. In this award-winning story, McCloud provides a metaphor for kindness that children will grasp immediately. The book explains that all people carry with them an invisible bucket and that we have the choice to be bucket fillers (those people who make other feel good with their kindness), or bucket dippers (those individuals who make others feel cruddy). My children loved the symbolism and grasped the concept quickly.

 

How Full is Your Bucket For Kids by Tom Rath

This is a wonderful companion book to Have You Filled a Bucket Today. This is the story of a day in the life of Felix. Some events that happen during his day cause a DRIP to occur (his bucket grows empty), while others cause a DROP (when his bucket is filled). I like to read it after Have You Filled a Bucket Today, as it helps to elucidate the overall message.

 

The Juice Box Bully: Empowering Kids to Stand Up for Others by Bob Sornson and Maria Dismondy

I love that this book addresses the bystander issue. In this story, a class sticks together by creating The Promise, which is essentially a pledge to stand up against unkind behavior. I love that the students stand up for themselves and each other in this book, rather than sit by and let bad things happen.

 

The Buddha’s Apprentice at Bedtime by Dharmachari Nagaraja

I love this series! This book is filled with short bedtime stories that not only teach your children a bit about Buddhism, but also explore important topics. Who doesn’t want to fall asleep with thoughts of being still and kind to others? I keep saying that I’m going to read this book over breakfast, because I think it would be a great conversation starter and beginning to our day.

 

Kindness: A Treasury of Buddhist Wisdom for Children by Sarah Conover

This is the sweetest collection of Buddhist tales. Each story is only a couple of pages long, so it’s super easy to sneak into your daily routine. I like to read a story over breakfast and then talk about the message. This book provides wonderful conversation starters about important life topics, including how important it is to be kind to others.

Here is a related activity for you

As a former school psychologist, I have a lot of school psychologist-y activities, books, and games over here. They are holdovers from my days in the schools and rather than let them collect dust, I use them with my children.

Bully Free Zone in a Jar: Tips for Dealing with Bullying

One of the first steps in fighting unkindness and bullying is to talk about it. I’ve mentioned before that our family loves to play games such as Table Topics at dinner, but I also love to pull out my In a Jar series because they serve as great conversation starters about important topics. In addition to Bully Free Zone, our family also enjoys: Feelings in a Jar: A Fun Game for All Ages for Endless Play and Interactions and Temper Tamers in a Jar: Helping Kids Cool Off and Manage Anger.

Are you looking for more resources on this topic?

Here are some of my favorite posts on kindness and empathy at home. If you haven’t seen them yet, please take a look and let me know what you think. I love to hear your thoughts!

 

I’m Sensitive. What’s YOUR Superpower?

It took me decades to embrace it as the strength that it is, but I am supremely sensitive and I now recognize my sensitivity as my superpower. Some are amazing athletes, some are inventors, some are magically musical. I rock at empathy. That’s my superpower.

 

 

Family Kindness Project: Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

Are you looking for an easy way to increase kind acts at home and beyond your four walls? Are you hoping to decrease problem behaviors and sibling rivalry? Here’s a super simple project that has been working wonderfully over here this summer.

 

On Sharing the Kind Thoughts Kept in the Silence of Your Mind (T.H.I.N.K.-ing about Thumper)

What if we were all brave enough to share those thoughts that, for some reason, we’re afraid to say to others? I know they would make a huge difference because I cannot stop thinking about the woman who touched my life with her brave, kind words on a very dark day.

 

Is “Too Sensitive” Such a Bad Thing? 

Some would argue that my daughter, T, is “too” sensitive. My question is: is there even such a thing? Is there anything wrong with caring so much, with truly feeling the emotions of those around you? Don’t we all strive to be selfless, to place the needs of others before our own? Don’t we want to help and love those around us?  I believe that sensitivity is a very special gift, and my sweet T has been blessed with heaps of it. In turn, we have all been blessed with her.

 

 

Summer of Kindness Bucket List ~ guest post from Doing Good Together

Here’s a post with a summer bucket list unlike what you’ll find floating around Pinterest. This bucket list focuses on kindness. Help your family to have a summer like no other and check out this guest post from the fine folks at Doing Good Together!

 

Top Ten Ways for Kids to Give Back During the Holidays and Every Day ~ by Leo (age 6)

This post filled my bucket, folks, as it was written by Leo. I can never read it without tears coming to my eyes!

 

 

Raising Kind Kids: Crossing Fingers for Kindness

As parents, we work so hard to raise kind kids. We demonstrate compassion for those around us; for people whom we are close to, but also for the strangers who cross our path during the course of each day: the store clerk, the bank teller, the mom who looks like she’s having a rough day, the gentleman who holds the door. We help our young children work through conflict. We discuss how others might be feeling in order to help them take another’s perspective. We do all these things from sun up until sun down, every day. And then we wait.

 

Community Service with Children

Sometimes it can be challenging to find service opportunities for young children. Here is a story about how we worked some service into our [noisy] lives!

 

Gratitude Journals for Children

Journaling is a wonderful way to end your day and a perfect opportunity to give thanks for the many blessings in your life. Do you think your children are too young to journal? Think again!

 

Wondering if your child is gifted/2e?

Tell me… how do you instill kindness in your children? Have you any experience with bullying and your children? Do you think you can teach bully prevention at home? Please share your thoughts and stories here. I love hearing from each and every one of you!

This post has been part of the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum August 2015 Blog Hop: Bullies, Bullying, and Gifted/2E Kids. Please click the image below to keep on hopping! Also, did you know that GHF has a new book out on bullying? Have you read it yet? It’s on my wish list!

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Don’t Laugh at Me

Written by: Steve Seskin and Allen Shamblin

I’m a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
‘Cause I’ve got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep.

I’m that kid on every playground
Who’s always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin’ to overcome my past
You don’t have to be my friend
Is it too much to ask?

Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain
In God’s eyes we’re all the same
Someday we’ll all have perfect wings
Don’t laugh at me.

I’m the cripple on the corner
You pass me on the street
I wouldn’t be out here beggin’
If I had enough to eat
And don’t think that I don’t notice
That our eyes never meet.

I lost my wife and little boy
Someone crossed that yellow line
The day we laid ’em in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
Right now I’m down to holdin’
This little cardboard sign.

Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain
In God’s eyes we’re all the same
Someday we’ll all have perfect wings
Don’t laugh at me.

I’m fat, I’m thin, I’m short, I’m tall
I’m deaf, I’m blind, hey aren’t we all?

Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain
In God’s eyes we’re all the same
Someday we’ll all have perfect wings
Don’t laugh at me.

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